Radio Journalist Regrets Having a Baby, Feels Bored and Frustrated Playing with Her
A radio journalist, Miguel Macias, 48, has opened up about his feelings of regret after becoming a father, revealing that he often feels “bored and frustrated” when spending time with his baby daughter.
In an essay for the New York Times, Macias shared his mixed emotions about fatherhood. Although he described a “deep love” for his daughter, Olivia, he also spoke honestly about the difficult emotions he has faced since her birth.
“It’s a feeling that’s so difficult to talk about, so universally taboo, that I feel nervous expressing it even to the people closest to me: regret,” Macias wrote.
Macias explained that he had never intended to have children, as he was focused on his career. But as time went on and his dreams of creating Oscar-winning documentaries began to fade, he reconsidered, driven in part by a desire to please his partner. Eventually, they decided to have a child.
However, despite the typical joys of parenthood, Macias found himself grappling with feelings of regret, which he admitted made him feel ashamed. He noted that these feelings were triggered by small frustrations, such as when Olivia misbehaves, and the repetitive nature of playing with her.
“Despite my love for Olivia, I don’t really enjoy playing with her,” Macias confessed. “I can play for 10, 15, 20 minutes, but after that, I get bored and frustrated that I am wasting time.”
Macias also expressed regret over the loss of his previous life and goals, and he questioned whether bringing a child into a world facing significant challenges like climate change and conflict was the right decision.
He discussed how he initially tried to suppress these feelings, particularly since he has struggled with depression. However, over time, he learned to accept these emotions as a way to cope with them.
Macias has come to realize that regret can exist alongside his deep love for his daughter. “If we don’t allow ourselves to feel regret—feel it and come to some sort of peace with it—we risk being haunted by it,” he concluded.